Why God?

So to say my life has been chaotic would be an understatement. But I need to write again, I use to more when I was younger and it helped with whatever I was going through.

So last night my dad had another heart attack. I got a phone call at work that the paramedics were taking him to the hospital and it looked like a heart attack. So Kelsey and I rushed from work to the hospital, we met my mom there and Kaity rode in the Ambo to the hospital.
While driving up there I was just feeling so many different emotions, it's not the first time we've been here  or have gone through this,but it doesn't get any easier. Your heart stops every time and you wonder is this it? And I don't know if it's because I have lost many loved ones already and almost have lost both parents, but I always tend to think more negatively than positively in these moments. And it's very easy to go there with the devil and question God.
Why God is this happening?
Why God are you not hearing me pray?
Why God do we have to go through this over and over again?

And I've heard some say well why would you question God when he's done so much for your family?  and yes that's true God has done so much! And I'm grateful for what God has done. But it doesn't change what you feel in those heart stopping moments.
It doesn't change the trials your going through, it doesn't change the devil that's waiting there to pounce on you.

There's a song called 'why God' by: Austin French
And it talks about questioning God, and not understanding the things we go through, and why things fall apart.  But that through the questioning we understand a little bit more.
Instead of why God is is happening? You understand this is why God I need you.

And it's a lesson I went through this past year, why are we questioning God as if we'd have a right to know what his will is? As if we know better than he does? Why do we focus more on the negative than trying to focus on The positive? Because the negative Is my dad shouldn't be alive, and neither should my mom, but they are. We should be homeless but we're not. I shouldn't have a job, but I do. And The list goes on, and on.

My point is why do we focus on what we don't have, and what prayer God hasn't answered. Rather than what we do have and what God has answered. I heard someone say that when we pray there's two answers to our prayers and that's yes, and yes. It's either a yes down here, or a yes up in heaven.
Because if we believe God, And if we believe the Bible and if we believe theres a heaven, And there's a hell. And we believe that God sent his son to die for us so that we can become a child of God and have a home in heaven for us. Then why wouldn't Gods answer to our prayer by taking  a loved one home be a yes?

So heaven forbid it, but if Gods answer to my prayer is yes, but he takes daddy home to heaven. I'm not going to question that. Because at least I know where he's going, and I know I will see him again someday. Not saying it wouldn't be a hard thing to go through, but I either trust God and have faith in him or I don't.
And when we go though these things you come to the point where you trust God or you don't, you believe him or you don't. You stand on his promises or you don't. And it's in the times where your standing in a hard place where you have to make that decision and walk it out.

Even though the devil wanted me to go there last night I had to stop and go wait. God I do believe you, I do believe your promises, and I believe You can help him more than any doctor ever could. And that's when I felt a peace that passes all understanding, a peace that surpasses all knowledge and I knew that know matter what happened God was with my dad, and that God was with me. And that He wasn’t going to leave us now.

These are just some rambling thoughts I had today while trying to process everything. I will hopefully be posting more, but I say that and then Don’t post for a year! So we will see.